That old bald cheater, Time. 2/4

Summary: Beckett confides in Elizabeth.
Characters: Beckett, Elizabeth, Jack
Pairing: Beckabeth, Willabeth, Sparrabeth, Speckett
Rating: PG-13 Some Mature Themes
Disclaimer: This is totally AU. Disney owns everything and Ted and Terry are wonderful guys so please don’t sue!!! justin_barrette do not read this until you’ve seen AWE.
Comment: Yes, there is a Coupling reference...couldn't resist, mate.

Chapter Two

Once again, it was night when he woke, the snores and sounds of the crew filled the space around him. Then, it dawned on him that his perceptiveness was also not what it once was or it wouldn’t have taken more than twenty-four hours to realize one of the more famous members of The Black Pearl’s crew wasn’t there. Beckett hadn’t seen him at all since before his accident or rescue or the incident…however it should be called. He passed the slumbering hammocks, including Barbossa’s near the door and another room that he heard was Elizabeth’s. It was doubtful how much it was really used though as he found her once again on the deck.

“Tell me what happened,” he spoke softly into the night. She turned to him, saying, “I had assumed Gibbs would. I fled the other day before I could hear him retell it. I couldn’t bear the thought of reliving it, but then…he couldn’t either so you still didn’t know when we told Jack about your condition and he felt it would ‘be a much more better’ punishment for you to not know because he said that you had a need to know everything about everyone as it was.”

It was a complaint that had been said against him before.

“We are not to say anything at all to you about what you can’t recall,” she continued, “There is nothing you can summon up of that day? Nothing?”

His brain felt as though some of it was missing, but he tried with all his might to think what had happened. The images were odd and jumbled; what little there were. He shook his head and muttered, “I keep seeing the water spinning.” Finally, a smile appeared on her face as she said, “Yes, after we released her…” The grin quickly faded and she looked out over the water again.

“Then, tell me this, where’s Mr. Turner?”

“He had his reasons for doing what he did,” Elizabeth stated firmly and not at all convincingly.

“Improving your station? Something that in some way helped you? Or were his motives selfish?” Cutler asked, “I simply can’t abide a husband who thinks nothing of his wife. A marriage should be mutually beneficial.”

“We have an understanding,” she retorted, “Marriage is more complicated than a few sentences of wisdom.”
A laugh escaped him which felt good, he hadn’t laughed in a good while and he questioned, “And how long have you been married that you understand it so well? One week? Maybe two?”

Her eyes flashed fire, more reminiscent of when they were in his office before she asked, “And how long has it been for you?”
Her stance and expression were confidant as though she knew the answer already. It was a wrong assumption. One that had been made before and he never understood why.

“Almost fifteen years,” Cutler replied with a smile to her disbelieving gaze. Elizabeth continued to stare at him before finally inquiring, “What is she like?”

“Charlotte is a fine woman,” he answered as he always did, but her lips thinned as though that wasn’t a proper answer. After a moment, she guessed, “But you don’t love her.”

“It was a smart match. Our fathers were both Lords,” he said, “and she handles my household aptly.”

“But you don’t love her,” she maintained in a way that made Beckett grind his teeth. It wouldn’t have made him react so badly if it weren’t true.

“I wanted to…I tried, but I was in love with someone else,” he admitted, looking at his boots rather than her, “Not that I would restrict her happiness in any way even if that means another man’s bed.”

“Hypocrite!” Elizabeth cried and crossed very close to him so that he could hear her breath and see how thin her slip was.

“Perhaps Mr. Turner went pirating with his dear father?” he suggested and she visibly tensed at his suggestion, “I have my own reasons as well and they are not so selfish as that.”

He walked back to his hammock where the exchange had left him quite excited. It was good to know that other things still worked fine.

Several weeks passed as he tried to find his way on ship, slowly gaining strength and first-hand knowledge of every job aboard. It was evident from the stars that they were heading south. However, he still had no wish to ask the Captain for specifics…that might mean being alone with him on Jack’s terms. Cutler kept to himself and spoke very little to anyone with three exceptions: Elizabeth, Jack and Mr. Gibbs, when he was in the right mood, would tell him stories. Of particular interest were stories he’d heard before in a slightly different version and stories that he knew the truth behind like the circumstances behind the ship they stood on being renamed. He’d prefer not to talk to Jack at all, but Jack always seemed to have other ideas, alluding to back when they were both young although never so others could hear. It was difficult to pretend that the words had no effect on him…that Cutler didn’t miss those simpler times. Still, everything was different now and he was determined not to give in which was the thought running through his head as he caught sounds of an argument coming from the open door of Elizabeth’s cabin.

“Jack, how can you not see it?” cried Elizabeth’s voice.

“Lizzie, I know what I’m to do, mistakes will not be remade.”

“You cannot trust him,” Elizabeth stated firmly and Beckett wondered if they could be talking about himself until she finished, “His behaviour was only controlled by his deal with Tia; a deal that is no longer in place.”

“Lizzie…”

“Your ship is no safer than it was when he first took it from you,” she continued, “Perhaps he’ll even enlist Beckett’s help.”
Cutler couldn’t help but lean closer so that the door opened a tiny bit more as Jack started to laugh.

“Tom Thumb? Barbossa would no sooner ask him for his services than Gibbs give up his drink.”
His silent eavesdropping was getting harder to do.

“There’s no need for you to get hurt…”

“Lizzie,” he started, just as carelessly confidant as ever and Cutler found himself walking fully into the room.

“She has a point,” he said tentatively to their annoyed expressions.

“I don’t need your help,” Elizabeth spat, “Jack, the next time we make port; he’ll make his move.”

“Then, it is a good thing that São Sebastião is not for another month,” Jack retorted before relenting, “I will stay on ship if it makes you happy.”
Elizabeth frowned, that was definitely not the answer she was looking for and Cutler had to wonder about it, too, as the Captain headed for the door.

“Jack, we…she only has your best interests at heart,” he voiced to Jack who merely responded, “Still feeling guilt over my death? Nothing to be done about me getting hurt; just happens naturally.”
With that, Jack left and Cutler exhaled before realizing that Elizabeth’s dark eyes were on him. Her expression was surprised and she acted as he had done with her weeks earlier by opening and closing her mouth several times before speaking, “Why must you always assume my feelings for Sparrow run deep?”

“You corrected me with much more fervor than your husband at your arrest.”
Elizabeth gave him a look that that answer was unacceptable and he knew it. He shut the door without her even batting an eyelash so she had caught his slip. Then, he took a deep breath prior to saying, “Jack’s unique…with his sweet talk, his smoldering dark eyes and a smile that makes you feel as though you’re the only one who matters. Who wouldn’t wish for those qualities to be lavished upon your own person?”

There was no mistaking the admission he’d just made, made worse by her not looking at him. Instead, she was looking out at the blue sky from her small window. Finally, after a few awkward minutes, she said, “Will told me once that Jack had left a mark on you that you refused to say and looked worse for the asking.”

His stormy eyes looked at her and thought he saw something promising in them. Otherwise, he never would have explained, “Your husband wouldn’t have understood. Most men don’t, but I think you do.”
She sat on the bed and whispered, “Yes, but I love Will.” Cutler nodded and took a seat where they remained in silence for a few more minutes longer until they left to do their ship chores. Her gaze was on him more than usual and he caught her looking at Jack with an inquisitive glance as though wondering whether his crush was ever acted upon. He’d let her think it wasn’t since that would be easier.

There was much to do to keep up the ship as they headed closer and closer to the tip of the continent. It was blistery cold at the bottom of the world, colder than anything he’d ever experienced. He’d sailed it once, but had stayed in his cabin during the whole ordeal, relaying orders through Groves…with a twinge he wondered whether Groves had perished in the battle or not. He couldn’t remember. To make matters worse, the ship rolled and tossed with the waves so bad that the entire crew found themselves down in the bilges or leaned over the railing, the contents of their stomach emptied below. This is why he thought nothing of seeing Elizabeth do the same until it persisted after they had entered into the Atlantic and into calmer waters. One morning, he followed slightly behind her as she made her way down to the depths of the ship where the bilge water lay. It was obvious that she was trying to keep it a secret now as opposed to before when she blended in with the other crew members above on the deck. Elizabeth wiped her mouth on the back of her sleeve and turned around to see him.

“Just caught a chill, that’s all,” she said in an annoyed tone. Cutler shook his head and responded, “No, your illness strikes mainly in the morning and the only time that Charlotte has an illness that strikes mainly in the morning is when she’s with child.” The statement seemed to make her more irritated at first and then, she softened.

“How can I bring a child into this world so full of death? Where a good man dies who deserved to live?”

“Everyone understands the risks. If they were not acceptable, then they should have stayed home,” Cutler spoke briskly.

“Said by the man who sent them to their deaths,” she spoke in a crossed tone.

“I had my reasons.”

“As you’ve mentioned once before, but that doesn’t have much weight when we’re as good as dead ourselves.”

“What are you going on about?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“To the outside world, we’re dead, including you. No doubt you were presumed to have perished in the battle especially with your ship torn to pieces,” explained to Elizabeth, “Your wife is a widow.”
The word hit him like a punch…widow.

“They all think I’m dead,” he spoke softly, not really to her, but more for his own benefit, “I’m dead.”
She held out a hand cautiously and touched him on the shoulder lightly before taking it back.

“I did it all for them,” Cutler stated, all their faces in his mind, the memories assaulting him.

“Them?”

“Charlie is fourteen, taller than I while Adeline has the prettiest singing voice and Georgiana was missing her front teeth last time I saw her. I love those girls like they were my own,” Cutler continued, realizing that he would probably never see them again.

“Was it truly because of them?” Elizabeth inquired, but she had a point.

“I told myself it was for them,” Cutler said, “What parent wouldn’t want to leave the world a better place for their children? I wanted them to be able to have ships abroad without threat of pirates.”

Somehow, it’d been corrupted or perhaps he let Jack cloud his thinking. He’d give anything to hold Georgiana in his lap again with her infectious giggle. Elizabeth gave him a terse pat on the shoulder and a kind look before leaving him. The smell of the bilge water was barely noticeable as tears slid from his eyes. His children believed him to be dead and he would most likely never see them again. His depressed state after that was understandable. He’d just found that his whole life had been taken away from him, but Elizabeth still had her mood. Why? Cutler waited for the opportune moment, as Jack liked to put it, when he caught Elizabeth once again incapable of sleep.

“Who is it that you’re mourning over? Will’s not dead.”

“No, but almost a dozen of my crew are and they were under my command, my responsibility,” she spoke so he could hear the hurt in her voice yet it still didn’t add up.

“I’ve lost ships before as well and men, hundreds of men and I’m not losing sleep over them,” he stated. She stared and suggested, “Maybe you’re unfeeling.” It was an unfair accusation. If he were unfeeling, would he have been in such a mood lately?

“Except when it comes to your children,” Elizabeth amended before he said anything, “but are you even capable of empathy?”

“That is a ridiculous charge; I’m simply able to separate business from pleasure.”

“And that was your reasoning for having my father killed?” Elizabeth asked, her dark eyes piercing. He’d forgotten about that one. Cutler hesitated before saying, “It was for his own good. He thought you were dead. He was devastated. He…he tried to stab the heart.”

“Liar!” retorted Elizabeth and slapped him across the face. That felt good although she was already heading back downstairs. He also wasn’t convinced that her father was who she was upset over.