Brief Candles
Dec. 27th, 2016 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ericadawn16I have been wanting to write Shara Bey and Kes Dameron for almost a year. I wanted more. I wanted context about why Poe would feel like he was 9 years old again in Leia's presence. It would be fluffy but it would also be INCREDIBLY angsty. Last night, it demanded to be written. Today, I tweaked it.
No, I didn't add the expected ending. One day, I will but for now...too soon.
Also, I AM still writing on the Avengers story but it's a two part season finale and I want to write both parts first.
Title: Brief Candles
Author: Ericadawn16
Prompt: MORE SHARA BEY, KES DAMERON AND LITTLE POE!!!
Character/Pairing(s): Shara/Kes, Han/Leia, Padme/Anakin
Rating: PG
Warnings: ANGST I am not joking around! You might need tissues.
Spoilers: Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Star Wars: A New Hope, Star Wars: Shattered Empire, Star Wars: Before the Awakening, Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Summary: Shara Bey, Kes Dameron and their son, Poe, are tied to the Rebellion even if they attempt to retire.
Author Notes: AO3 has it in chapter form instead:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/9087376/chapters/20660956
Brief Candles
Shara Bey was still learning her way around the large underground base. Some of the tunnels were dead ends and it didn't help that it was freezing. If she had known the base was on an ice planet, would she have even signed up?
You're getting emotional, Shara. Stop it.
She took a deep breath and hugged herself. Her breasts were leaking again. Her baby was on the other side of the galaxy and her body was still making milk. She shook her head. The tears couldn't come now. Then, she noticed in front of her was a giant wall of names. There was no doubt what those names meant even if they had been crudely added. Some were carved into the ice. Some were written on leather. Others were written in something dark that could be blood.
One name stood out. It had been chiseled into the ice.
She was still staring at it as she smelled her husband's particular scent. Kes' warm arms wrapped around her. She pulled them closer.
"Wasn't Cassian your grandfather's name?" he asked in a solemn tone. She knew he knew that answer already. He was just getting her to talk. She had two modes when she was emotional; either silent like her mama or incessant babbling like her papa.
"Yes, his name was Andor, too. My mama's brother, Jeron, moved to Fest and had a family. I never met them. We were told they were all slaughtered," she said. Her voice was shaky. This was probably her cousin. Kes held her tighter.
"Are you having second thoughts about joining?"
"No."
"No," she repeated even as the tears came. "I don't want that for Poe. He's going to have a future without the Empire in it."
He kissed her cheek and gave her a gentle tug for them to leave. She nodded. Then, she ran her fingers over Cassian's name. Maybe one day she would learn his story.
********************************************************************************
Kes Dameron tried to follow after Shara but his wife seemed to have more energy than their young son. There had been a lot of plans to make but he felt everything was covered.
Then, she'd find something else.
"Did we make the copies from medical? I mean, what if something comes up? What if we forget one of the medicines they used? What if we forget one of our injuries and it gets worse later on? What if we get separated? They're all in Basic. Should I translate them into something else?"
Kes tried not to smile at Shara getting so worked up that she was talking faster than a hyperspace jump.
"Yes, we have all our medical history and any potential problems. Shara, nothing is going to mess this up for us. We're finally going to be a family without the Empire, just like we always wanted," he uttered, stroking her back.
"It's so hard to believe."
"Lieutenant Bey, Sergeant Dameron-"
Kes instinctively straightened which produced a laugh from the speaker.
When she composed herself, Princess Leia continued, "I know we're losing you today and after all your service to the Rebellion, I arranged one last surprise."
They were already giving them land, a small retirement stipend and Shara's A-Wing after the couple's three years of service, what more could they do?
"Come with me."
They followed her to the docking bay where the Millennium Falcon was powering down and the ramp descending. Childish footsteps echoed into large area they stood in.
It couldn't be...
"Mama, papa!" Poe's tiny voice echoed. They ran and the three year old ran faster, almost falling in the process. Shara caught him up in her arms. Donteh Bey walked down at a much slower pace than his grandson. Poe squirmed and she turned him over to Kes.
"Papa!" she greeted and hugged the older man.
He began speaking rapidly in his native tongue that Kes had never learned.
"He's complaining about my piloting skills again," Han remarked to Leia as he walked down, too.
"Did you enjoy your ride?" Kes asked his son. Poe nodded with enough force that his curls flung all over the place.
Kes laughed and kissed his chubby cheek.
"So, this is the famous Poe Dameron I've heard so much about," Leia teased, coming closer.
"Do you want to hold him?"
Leia was taken aback and he saw her look towards Shara who nodded. She held out her arms and he passed her Poe.
"Who are you?" he asked, staring at her face. His brown eyes were wide. Where Donteh lived, people with pale skin like Han and Leia were rare.
"This is Princess Leia Organa, one of the leaders of the Rebellion-"
"A.K.A. our boss," Shara added.
"Just...just Leia for now, I'm not much of a princess anymore. I still have to figure things out," she explained. Poe smiled and batted his eyes. The Dameron genes were strong in him. Kes was grinning from ear to ear.
"I don't go much for kids, but he's not too bad," Han spoke. Kes decided that was a compliment.
"Wait, but the A-Wing only sits two, maybe three if Poe sits on one of our laps. What about my papa?" Shara asked. Behind them, Chewbacca came down the ramp.
"I'll come later. First, I want to see more of this Rebellion you worked so hard for," Donteh explained.
"Really?"
"It's all arranged," Leia confirmed. He couldn't remember seeing her with children before but Poe looked comfortable in her arms.
*************************************************************************
"How can this be happening?" Shara asked, not expecting an answer.
"What is it, mama?" Poe asked as she ran with him in her arms. She reached the storage room and opened the trap door.
"Nothing, baby, but I need you to stay here and be very quiet. Can you do that for me?"
"Very quiet," Poe repeated.
"Good," she said and made sure he was safe. Then, she took out her blaster to join her husband in the yard. At least her father was on one of his occasional journeys to the old rebel base.
"It's too small to be Imperial. The radar had it being a one-man shuttle. None of it makes sense," Kes spoke.
"No, it doesn't. We've only been out two months," she agreed. She kept her blaster trained for the approaching shuttle. It grew closer and closer, landing in the field they were keeping fallow. The ramp descended and she couldn't help but gasp as Leia came down it. Her gait seemed a little different than she remembered.
"Do we still agree about Poe?" Kes asked. She hesitated for an instant.
"Yes, let's go meet her."
They met her at the gate and let her in.
"Bey, Dameron, am I glad to see you!"
"You did land on our land," Kes muttered under his breath and Shara elbowed him. Leia wouldn't just pay them a visit for no reason. However, they had rules.
"Of course, you're welcome to stay but Kes and I came to some decisions about Poe-"
"We don't tell him our stories-"
"Or if we do, we minimize our role in favor of you and Luke and Han and everyone else-"
"Why? You were vital to our cause," Leia stated. The thought struck Shara that her face was fuller.
"Exactly, and with that kind of legacy...how can a child live up to that?" Kes asked.
For a moment, Leia had a faraway look.
"That's true, a child shouldn't have that pressure," she agreed but her tone was strange.
"We'll tell Poe together when he's older and made his own story." Shara explained. Sometimes, she wondered what he'd grow up to be: pilot, farmer, teacher...it really didn't matter as long as he was happy and never had to fight the Empire as they did.
"But if you were simply one of the many...it wouldn't make sense for me to visit, would it?"
"No," Shara agreed. "He only met you the one time so he might not even remember you. We could use an alias."
"Padme," Leia spoke in that soft, thoughtful tone again. Shara wondered why it had taken so long to notice the large blue-stoned ring she was wearing. It was new and it was on her wedding finger. There would be time for that later.
Shara hurried on ahead of them to the storage room and undid the trap door.
"I don't like this game, mama," Poe told her.
"Me neither," she agreed and helped him up. They reached the other two in the kitchen.
"I've been dreaming of Tembleque! My abuela used to make this on Alderaan," Leia said before sticking a large spoonful in her mouth.
"She said she was hungry. I said she could help herself to what we had and this happened," Kes told her in a low voice. This wasn't normal at all.
"Can I have some?" Poe asked. His brown eyes watched the pudding continue to disappear into Leia's mouth.
"Maybe later," Kes spoke.
"How's Han doing?" Shara asked. She was starting to have an idea.
"Han's fine. He's trying to be legitimate with his shipping."
"But he doesn't know you're here?"
"No, he wouldn't let...he wouldn't think that was a good idea," Leia answered. Then, she took another large spoonful and smiled in between bites. Shara shared a look with Kes. This had red blaring lights all over the place and warning sirens.
"Are you gonna eat it all?" Poe complained. Leia stopped.
"You're right, that's not nice. Here," she said, handing the container and spoon to the young boy.
"Actually-"
"Actually, we were going to have dinner shortly and he shouldn't have too much sweets before that," Shara explained.
"I should have known that. I don't know anything," she said and began to cry. Shara caught her hand briefly go to her middle. She looked at Kes and he had caught it, too.
Shara went over to Leia and laid a hand lightly on her arm.
"How far along are you?" she asked.
For a moment, Leia was shocked but then, she nodded.
"Three months."
Shara put her arms around her and when Leia didn't protest, she hugged her. Leia hugged back with even more fervor.
"I told Han to take that job but Luke's gone, too and I...I feel so alone," Leia blubbered. "And I don't know anything about babies."
Shara pulled away so they would be eye to eye.
"You'll be great at it. You were the one always worrying over us. You were the one who personally wrote letters to their families. You were the one insisting on celebrations and ceremonies to keep our morale up. I also know you were the one who made sure the wall of names was never forgotten, including my cousin and the rest of the original Rogue Squadron," she spoke.
"But I still don't know anything," Leia complained.
"We can help with that. After dinner, we'll show you everything you need to know," Shara said and Kes nodded.
"Thank you."
"Who's she?" Poe asked.
"Padme, your aunt Padme," Shara told him. Some time with Poe would do Leia good, too. Maybe her papa would return tonight and give his own advice. Shara didn't like to think about all those firsts that he was there for and not her or Kes. Hopefully, it wouldn't be that way with Leia's baby.
Maybe she and Kes should try for another one.
*******************************************************************************
Kes had a feeling he knew who the small shuttle would bring. Some would call it the Force like the tree he kept watch over. It wasn't that. He just knew people and he knew her. A boy walked behind her. Even if he didn't know his actual age, he would have guessed five or six. The black hair was a little odd but must be the grandparents' doing.
"Who's that?" Poe asked.
"Your aunt Padme," Kes told him. Their plan was still in effect. Poe didn't need to know the accolades put on them. Hopefully, she had explained that to her son.
Kes waited as Leia did the gate herself and came towards them.
"Padme," he told her with a nod. It was both a warning and a reminder. She nodded back.
"This is my son, Ben. Ben, this is Kes Dameron and his son, Poe."
"Hi."
"Hey."
"I'm going to be a pilot when I'm older. I can already fly," Poe announced. Leia smiled. It was one of those rare smiles where it reached her brown eyes, too. Poe smiled back. Ben narrowed his eyes.
"Poe, why don't you show Ben the new calf?"
His son nodded at him and they went towards the Nerfs. Another child somewhat close to his age would be good for him for an afternoon. He and Shara had tried for another baby but it was never successful.
"I made a promise to Shara. I wouldn't send you a letter with my condolences. I came as soon as I could," Leia spoke as soon as the boys were out of earshot. Kes nodded. They stood in silence for several minutes. Sweet smells came from Shara's garden nearby. It was blooming without her.
"Is there anything we can do?"
He gave her a look.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Short of bringing her back...no. It's been four months and the pain hasn't lessened. It just changes. It's something new. Today I thought about how she's never going to see what kind of man he'll become," he spoke and looked in the distance. The top of the old rebel base could barely be seen. "Donteh used to say the rebel base had ghosts. He claimed he talked with them, that some knew his native tongue. Sometimes, I think he's wrong. I think the ghosts are still alive, just trying to live."
"I know a little something about that, too."
"I think you're better at it. I don't know if it's the Force or what but you're better at it," Kes argued and shook his head.
Leia's expression was pained and Kes hated how it gave him joy. He couldn't say any of this with Poe around. Poe was healing. He was young. One day, his memories might be more imagined than real.
"But I hope that you never go through this."
Leia nodded. She had that look like she was holding her tongue from saying more.
"Well, let's see what the boys are up to."
************************************************************************
Leia studied the young man in front of her. It had been a long time since she had seen him last. He probably didn't remember her.
"Commander Dameron, do you know who I am?"
He came to attention, snapped a salute, and held it.
"General Organa," he said. No trace of recognition was in those brown eyes.
She hid her disappointment. He didn't remember her. Still, Dameron sounded too much like his father. She'd rather call him Poe as she did when he was a boy. This meeting was merely a formality. She knew he'd join the Resistance. He was his parents' child.
*******************************************************************************
For a moment, Kes felt thirty years younger. It all felt the same. People were rushing by. Hasty repairs were visible from all sides. The smell of grease and blasters filled the air. A rebel base was a rebel base even if they called themselves the Resistance now.
"Excuse me, who are you?" asked a young woman. The ranks were different now. He couldn't recognize her bars except they were different than his son's.
"Kes Dameron," he said and held out his hand.
She took it and commented, "Like Poe."
"I'm his father."
He almost laughed at her surprised expression.
"I'm not at liberty to give out mission statements to civilians but I'm afraid Poe isn't on planet at the moment."
He assumed as much.
"That's fine. I came to see General Organa."
"I'm not sure that's possible," the girl told him.
"I'm sure it is."
"But sir-"
"Dameron is an old friend and I'll be glad to see him," Leia interrupted her. The girl nodded and went away.
"General suits you."
"Thanks, I told you once I wasn't a princess anymore," she said and gestured to walk with her. "Did you come here to gloat? You were right. This is a whole different pain."
"I came here as soon as I heard but not for that. I came because it's what Shara would have done."
"She was such a good woman," Leia spoke.
"So was Han."
Well, not a woman obviously but...
Leia let the gaff go, just nodding.
"I need to tell you something in my office."
Along the way, she told him of his son's exploits. Shara would have been proud. She wouldn't be happy that her son was cleaning up their mess but she would have been proud.
"Is he on the wall?" Kes asked as she shut the door behind them.
"Yes, when we're done, I'll show you. I know you'll want to pay your respects to him and Cassian."
There were others they had lost, too. There was also a harsh truth he had to admit.
"We never told Poe about Cassian," Kes admitted.
Leia stopped in her tracks. She wanted an explanation. She didn't need to ask it.
"We always told him people were hurting. He knew the Empire killed people but we left out that they had exterminated a whole line of his family and now...he has his own reasons for hating the Empire without adding this, too," Kes spoke. He shuddered at the last time he saw his son in person. He looked half-dead.
"He's been collecting information on you and Shara, even has a copy of the commendation that Han wrote about you," she said. Her face was amused until she said his name.
Still, he focused on her words. By not telling him their stories themselves, they had just made him hungrier for what they really did. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe he should know about his second cousin's part in Luke destroying the Death Star.
"Did the files Shara found still exist?" he asked. When she nodded, he added, "You could pass that along to him. How is he doing?"
"He claims he's fine but-"
She trailed off and shook her head.
"I know he's not but he does have Finn and Rey when she's able...he has support which is important...I don't know what I would have done-"
Her words stopped and she looked away from him. The past had become a friend to them both.
"You said you had to tell me something."
Leia hugged herself and exhaled. Each passing moment made him more worried.
"It was Ben. Ben killed him."
Shock took hold of his body for a moment. How could that sweet boy so gentle with the Nerf calf have killed his own father?
"What?"
Leia nodded. Her face was so pained that he had to believe her. He hugged her and she hugged back. Then, she pulled away from him. Leia maneuvered until the desk was between them. What more could she be afraid of?
"I have reason to believe Ben was the one who interrogated Poe."
'Interrogated.' It looked more like 'raped his mind and left him for dead' from what Kes had seen when Poe had come for his x-wing to return to D'Qar. And for it to have been Ben...Ben had done this to his boy?
Unbidden, memories of those couple of days together came flooding in. The boys chased each other, laughing. Kes had never seen him so happy since before Shara had died.
Leia had her arms wrapped around herself again. It was her war pose. She assumed he was going to verbally assault her.
No, he could never do that. Ben's behavior was no more her doing than her blood father's actions. He felt sorry for her. Her spouse and child had both been taken from her, just in different ways.
"Is there anything I can do?"
It took her aback.
"You were right, that is a useless question."
"It's not just that," he said. He looked around at her monitors and maps and droids. "I want to re-enlist."
"Dameron..."
"I'm still healthy enough. I'm younger than Dodonna was. I can't stay on that farm knowing that people are fighting for my freedom, just like we couldn't stay with our baby son letting other people fight for us."
They looked at each other. He knew that she knew he understood the risks. Kes was at a greater risk for ending up on that wall but so was she, Force or not.
"Fine, I suppose you'll finally meet that Rey and Finn your Poe mentions so often and maybe I can look into a promotion for you."
Kes grinned. It wasn't a little smile or even a forced smile. It was a grin that came naturally to his face. He couldn't remember the last time that happened. He liked it. In that moment, he felt like he used to when he was in battle and he was sure Shara was in the sky looking down at him, sending him her love.
******************************************************************************
No, I didn't add the expected ending. One day, I will but for now...too soon.
Also, I AM still writing on the Avengers story but it's a two part season finale and I want to write both parts first.
Title: Brief Candles
Author: Ericadawn16
Prompt: MORE SHARA BEY, KES DAMERON AND LITTLE POE!!!
Character/Pairing(s): Shara/Kes, Han/Leia, Padme/Anakin
Rating: PG
Warnings: ANGST I am not joking around! You might need tissues.
Spoilers: Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Star Wars: A New Hope, Star Wars: Shattered Empire, Star Wars: Before the Awakening, Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Summary: Shara Bey, Kes Dameron and their son, Poe, are tied to the Rebellion even if they attempt to retire.
Author Notes: AO3 has it in chapter form instead:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/9087376/chapters/20660956
Brief Candles
Shara Bey was still learning her way around the large underground base. Some of the tunnels were dead ends and it didn't help that it was freezing. If she had known the base was on an ice planet, would she have even signed up?
You're getting emotional, Shara. Stop it.
She took a deep breath and hugged herself. Her breasts were leaking again. Her baby was on the other side of the galaxy and her body was still making milk. She shook her head. The tears couldn't come now. Then, she noticed in front of her was a giant wall of names. There was no doubt what those names meant even if they had been crudely added. Some were carved into the ice. Some were written on leather. Others were written in something dark that could be blood.
One name stood out. It had been chiseled into the ice.
She was still staring at it as she smelled her husband's particular scent. Kes' warm arms wrapped around her. She pulled them closer.
"Wasn't Cassian your grandfather's name?" he asked in a solemn tone. She knew he knew that answer already. He was just getting her to talk. She had two modes when she was emotional; either silent like her mama or incessant babbling like her papa.
"Yes, his name was Andor, too. My mama's brother, Jeron, moved to Fest and had a family. I never met them. We were told they were all slaughtered," she said. Her voice was shaky. This was probably her cousin. Kes held her tighter.
"Are you having second thoughts about joining?"
"No."
"No," she repeated even as the tears came. "I don't want that for Poe. He's going to have a future without the Empire in it."
He kissed her cheek and gave her a gentle tug for them to leave. She nodded. Then, she ran her fingers over Cassian's name. Maybe one day she would learn his story.
********************************************************************************
Kes Dameron tried to follow after Shara but his wife seemed to have more energy than their young son. There had been a lot of plans to make but he felt everything was covered.
Then, she'd find something else.
"Did we make the copies from medical? I mean, what if something comes up? What if we forget one of the medicines they used? What if we forget one of our injuries and it gets worse later on? What if we get separated? They're all in Basic. Should I translate them into something else?"
Kes tried not to smile at Shara getting so worked up that she was talking faster than a hyperspace jump.
"Yes, we have all our medical history and any potential problems. Shara, nothing is going to mess this up for us. We're finally going to be a family without the Empire, just like we always wanted," he uttered, stroking her back.
"It's so hard to believe."
"Lieutenant Bey, Sergeant Dameron-"
Kes instinctively straightened which produced a laugh from the speaker.
When she composed herself, Princess Leia continued, "I know we're losing you today and after all your service to the Rebellion, I arranged one last surprise."
They were already giving them land, a small retirement stipend and Shara's A-Wing after the couple's three years of service, what more could they do?
"Come with me."
They followed her to the docking bay where the Millennium Falcon was powering down and the ramp descending. Childish footsteps echoed into large area they stood in.
It couldn't be...
"Mama, papa!" Poe's tiny voice echoed. They ran and the three year old ran faster, almost falling in the process. Shara caught him up in her arms. Donteh Bey walked down at a much slower pace than his grandson. Poe squirmed and she turned him over to Kes.
"Papa!" she greeted and hugged the older man.
He began speaking rapidly in his native tongue that Kes had never learned.
"He's complaining about my piloting skills again," Han remarked to Leia as he walked down, too.
"Did you enjoy your ride?" Kes asked his son. Poe nodded with enough force that his curls flung all over the place.
Kes laughed and kissed his chubby cheek.
"So, this is the famous Poe Dameron I've heard so much about," Leia teased, coming closer.
"Do you want to hold him?"
Leia was taken aback and he saw her look towards Shara who nodded. She held out her arms and he passed her Poe.
"Who are you?" he asked, staring at her face. His brown eyes were wide. Where Donteh lived, people with pale skin like Han and Leia were rare.
"This is Princess Leia Organa, one of the leaders of the Rebellion-"
"A.K.A. our boss," Shara added.
"Just...just Leia for now, I'm not much of a princess anymore. I still have to figure things out," she explained. Poe smiled and batted his eyes. The Dameron genes were strong in him. Kes was grinning from ear to ear.
"I don't go much for kids, but he's not too bad," Han spoke. Kes decided that was a compliment.
"Wait, but the A-Wing only sits two, maybe three if Poe sits on one of our laps. What about my papa?" Shara asked. Behind them, Chewbacca came down the ramp.
"I'll come later. First, I want to see more of this Rebellion you worked so hard for," Donteh explained.
"Really?"
"It's all arranged," Leia confirmed. He couldn't remember seeing her with children before but Poe looked comfortable in her arms.
*************************************************************************
"How can this be happening?" Shara asked, not expecting an answer.
"What is it, mama?" Poe asked as she ran with him in her arms. She reached the storage room and opened the trap door.
"Nothing, baby, but I need you to stay here and be very quiet. Can you do that for me?"
"Very quiet," Poe repeated.
"Good," she said and made sure he was safe. Then, she took out her blaster to join her husband in the yard. At least her father was on one of his occasional journeys to the old rebel base.
"It's too small to be Imperial. The radar had it being a one-man shuttle. None of it makes sense," Kes spoke.
"No, it doesn't. We've only been out two months," she agreed. She kept her blaster trained for the approaching shuttle. It grew closer and closer, landing in the field they were keeping fallow. The ramp descended and she couldn't help but gasp as Leia came down it. Her gait seemed a little different than she remembered.
"Do we still agree about Poe?" Kes asked. She hesitated for an instant.
"Yes, let's go meet her."
They met her at the gate and let her in.
"Bey, Dameron, am I glad to see you!"
"You did land on our land," Kes muttered under his breath and Shara elbowed him. Leia wouldn't just pay them a visit for no reason. However, they had rules.
"Of course, you're welcome to stay but Kes and I came to some decisions about Poe-"
"We don't tell him our stories-"
"Or if we do, we minimize our role in favor of you and Luke and Han and everyone else-"
"Why? You were vital to our cause," Leia stated. The thought struck Shara that her face was fuller.
"Exactly, and with that kind of legacy...how can a child live up to that?" Kes asked.
For a moment, Leia had a faraway look.
"That's true, a child shouldn't have that pressure," she agreed but her tone was strange.
"We'll tell Poe together when he's older and made his own story." Shara explained. Sometimes, she wondered what he'd grow up to be: pilot, farmer, teacher...it really didn't matter as long as he was happy and never had to fight the Empire as they did.
"But if you were simply one of the many...it wouldn't make sense for me to visit, would it?"
"No," Shara agreed. "He only met you the one time so he might not even remember you. We could use an alias."
"Padme," Leia spoke in that soft, thoughtful tone again. Shara wondered why it had taken so long to notice the large blue-stoned ring she was wearing. It was new and it was on her wedding finger. There would be time for that later.
Shara hurried on ahead of them to the storage room and undid the trap door.
"I don't like this game, mama," Poe told her.
"Me neither," she agreed and helped him up. They reached the other two in the kitchen.
"I've been dreaming of Tembleque! My abuela used to make this on Alderaan," Leia said before sticking a large spoonful in her mouth.
"She said she was hungry. I said she could help herself to what we had and this happened," Kes told her in a low voice. This wasn't normal at all.
"Can I have some?" Poe asked. His brown eyes watched the pudding continue to disappear into Leia's mouth.
"Maybe later," Kes spoke.
"How's Han doing?" Shara asked. She was starting to have an idea.
"Han's fine. He's trying to be legitimate with his shipping."
"But he doesn't know you're here?"
"No, he wouldn't let...he wouldn't think that was a good idea," Leia answered. Then, she took another large spoonful and smiled in between bites. Shara shared a look with Kes. This had red blaring lights all over the place and warning sirens.
"Are you gonna eat it all?" Poe complained. Leia stopped.
"You're right, that's not nice. Here," she said, handing the container and spoon to the young boy.
"Actually-"
"Actually, we were going to have dinner shortly and he shouldn't have too much sweets before that," Shara explained.
"I should have known that. I don't know anything," she said and began to cry. Shara caught her hand briefly go to her middle. She looked at Kes and he had caught it, too.
Shara went over to Leia and laid a hand lightly on her arm.
"How far along are you?" she asked.
For a moment, Leia was shocked but then, she nodded.
"Three months."
Shara put her arms around her and when Leia didn't protest, she hugged her. Leia hugged back with even more fervor.
"I told Han to take that job but Luke's gone, too and I...I feel so alone," Leia blubbered. "And I don't know anything about babies."
Shara pulled away so they would be eye to eye.
"You'll be great at it. You were the one always worrying over us. You were the one who personally wrote letters to their families. You were the one insisting on celebrations and ceremonies to keep our morale up. I also know you were the one who made sure the wall of names was never forgotten, including my cousin and the rest of the original Rogue Squadron," she spoke.
"But I still don't know anything," Leia complained.
"We can help with that. After dinner, we'll show you everything you need to know," Shara said and Kes nodded.
"Thank you."
"Who's she?" Poe asked.
"Padme, your aunt Padme," Shara told him. Some time with Poe would do Leia good, too. Maybe her papa would return tonight and give his own advice. Shara didn't like to think about all those firsts that he was there for and not her or Kes. Hopefully, it wouldn't be that way with Leia's baby.
Maybe she and Kes should try for another one.
*******************************************************************************
Kes had a feeling he knew who the small shuttle would bring. Some would call it the Force like the tree he kept watch over. It wasn't that. He just knew people and he knew her. A boy walked behind her. Even if he didn't know his actual age, he would have guessed five or six. The black hair was a little odd but must be the grandparents' doing.
"Who's that?" Poe asked.
"Your aunt Padme," Kes told him. Their plan was still in effect. Poe didn't need to know the accolades put on them. Hopefully, she had explained that to her son.
Kes waited as Leia did the gate herself and came towards them.
"Padme," he told her with a nod. It was both a warning and a reminder. She nodded back.
"This is my son, Ben. Ben, this is Kes Dameron and his son, Poe."
"Hi."
"Hey."
"I'm going to be a pilot when I'm older. I can already fly," Poe announced. Leia smiled. It was one of those rare smiles where it reached her brown eyes, too. Poe smiled back. Ben narrowed his eyes.
"Poe, why don't you show Ben the new calf?"
His son nodded at him and they went towards the Nerfs. Another child somewhat close to his age would be good for him for an afternoon. He and Shara had tried for another baby but it was never successful.
"I made a promise to Shara. I wouldn't send you a letter with my condolences. I came as soon as I could," Leia spoke as soon as the boys were out of earshot. Kes nodded. They stood in silence for several minutes. Sweet smells came from Shara's garden nearby. It was blooming without her.
"Is there anything we can do?"
He gave her a look.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Short of bringing her back...no. It's been four months and the pain hasn't lessened. It just changes. It's something new. Today I thought about how she's never going to see what kind of man he'll become," he spoke and looked in the distance. The top of the old rebel base could barely be seen. "Donteh used to say the rebel base had ghosts. He claimed he talked with them, that some knew his native tongue. Sometimes, I think he's wrong. I think the ghosts are still alive, just trying to live."
"I know a little something about that, too."
"I think you're better at it. I don't know if it's the Force or what but you're better at it," Kes argued and shook his head.
Leia's expression was pained and Kes hated how it gave him joy. He couldn't say any of this with Poe around. Poe was healing. He was young. One day, his memories might be more imagined than real.
"But I hope that you never go through this."
Leia nodded. She had that look like she was holding her tongue from saying more.
"Well, let's see what the boys are up to."
************************************************************************
Leia studied the young man in front of her. It had been a long time since she had seen him last. He probably didn't remember her.
"Commander Dameron, do you know who I am?"
He came to attention, snapped a salute, and held it.
"General Organa," he said. No trace of recognition was in those brown eyes.
She hid her disappointment. He didn't remember her. Still, Dameron sounded too much like his father. She'd rather call him Poe as she did when he was a boy. This meeting was merely a formality. She knew he'd join the Resistance. He was his parents' child.
*******************************************************************************
For a moment, Kes felt thirty years younger. It all felt the same. People were rushing by. Hasty repairs were visible from all sides. The smell of grease and blasters filled the air. A rebel base was a rebel base even if they called themselves the Resistance now.
"Excuse me, who are you?" asked a young woman. The ranks were different now. He couldn't recognize her bars except they were different than his son's.
"Kes Dameron," he said and held out his hand.
She took it and commented, "Like Poe."
"I'm his father."
He almost laughed at her surprised expression.
"I'm not at liberty to give out mission statements to civilians but I'm afraid Poe isn't on planet at the moment."
He assumed as much.
"That's fine. I came to see General Organa."
"I'm not sure that's possible," the girl told him.
"I'm sure it is."
"But sir-"
"Dameron is an old friend and I'll be glad to see him," Leia interrupted her. The girl nodded and went away.
"General suits you."
"Thanks, I told you once I wasn't a princess anymore," she said and gestured to walk with her. "Did you come here to gloat? You were right. This is a whole different pain."
"I came here as soon as I heard but not for that. I came because it's what Shara would have done."
"She was such a good woman," Leia spoke.
"So was Han."
Well, not a woman obviously but...
Leia let the gaff go, just nodding.
"I need to tell you something in my office."
Along the way, she told him of his son's exploits. Shara would have been proud. She wouldn't be happy that her son was cleaning up their mess but she would have been proud.
"Is he on the wall?" Kes asked as she shut the door behind them.
"Yes, when we're done, I'll show you. I know you'll want to pay your respects to him and Cassian."
There were others they had lost, too. There was also a harsh truth he had to admit.
"We never told Poe about Cassian," Kes admitted.
Leia stopped in her tracks. She wanted an explanation. She didn't need to ask it.
"We always told him people were hurting. He knew the Empire killed people but we left out that they had exterminated a whole line of his family and now...he has his own reasons for hating the Empire without adding this, too," Kes spoke. He shuddered at the last time he saw his son in person. He looked half-dead.
"He's been collecting information on you and Shara, even has a copy of the commendation that Han wrote about you," she said. Her face was amused until she said his name.
Still, he focused on her words. By not telling him their stories themselves, they had just made him hungrier for what they really did. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe he should know about his second cousin's part in Luke destroying the Death Star.
"Did the files Shara found still exist?" he asked. When she nodded, he added, "You could pass that along to him. How is he doing?"
"He claims he's fine but-"
She trailed off and shook her head.
"I know he's not but he does have Finn and Rey when she's able...he has support which is important...I don't know what I would have done-"
Her words stopped and she looked away from him. The past had become a friend to them both.
"You said you had to tell me something."
Leia hugged herself and exhaled. Each passing moment made him more worried.
"It was Ben. Ben killed him."
Shock took hold of his body for a moment. How could that sweet boy so gentle with the Nerf calf have killed his own father?
"What?"
Leia nodded. Her face was so pained that he had to believe her. He hugged her and she hugged back. Then, she pulled away from him. Leia maneuvered until the desk was between them. What more could she be afraid of?
"I have reason to believe Ben was the one who interrogated Poe."
'Interrogated.' It looked more like 'raped his mind and left him for dead' from what Kes had seen when Poe had come for his x-wing to return to D'Qar. And for it to have been Ben...Ben had done this to his boy?
Unbidden, memories of those couple of days together came flooding in. The boys chased each other, laughing. Kes had never seen him so happy since before Shara had died.
Leia had her arms wrapped around herself again. It was her war pose. She assumed he was going to verbally assault her.
No, he could never do that. Ben's behavior was no more her doing than her blood father's actions. He felt sorry for her. Her spouse and child had both been taken from her, just in different ways.
"Is there anything I can do?"
It took her aback.
"You were right, that is a useless question."
"It's not just that," he said. He looked around at her monitors and maps and droids. "I want to re-enlist."
"Dameron..."
"I'm still healthy enough. I'm younger than Dodonna was. I can't stay on that farm knowing that people are fighting for my freedom, just like we couldn't stay with our baby son letting other people fight for us."
They looked at each other. He knew that she knew he understood the risks. Kes was at a greater risk for ending up on that wall but so was she, Force or not.
"Fine, I suppose you'll finally meet that Rey and Finn your Poe mentions so often and maybe I can look into a promotion for you."
Kes grinned. It wasn't a little smile or even a forced smile. It was a grin that came naturally to his face. He couldn't remember the last time that happened. He liked it. In that moment, he felt like he used to when he was in battle and he was sure Shara was in the sky looking down at him, sending him her love.
******************************************************************************
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-12-28 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-28 09:05 am (UTC)I am not familiar with anything after the original first couple of movies, but that is really great writing. :)
Hugs, Jon